So last night i stayed in (with tea and lots of tissues) and watched YouTube videos. And this is what occurred to me: you and me, we are great at making difficult things, worse.
Don't ask me why, we just are.
For today's crumb I wanted to share something i heard on a clip last night that felt like it could bring some love into this little knot.
It's a brilliant, short of an hour talk, on the taboo nature of intimate relationships. If you have some time, Esther Perel does an incredible job at telling us things we already know in ways we've never heard them before.
So at minute 40:51, she is asked a beautiful question by a man of color, about some seemingly challenging African American stereotypes and how they are effecting his chances at committed relationships, as opposed to the relative ease of coupling met by his white friends.
Her response is what inspired my below confession.
Remember when I said we make things harder than they have to be? Well this is what I meant:
We all have our issues that we think our "unique" to us. And instead of reaching out to others and seeing who we can relate to, we internalize them, pathologize them, and hide them.
Let's take me for example, if I could write an ad campaign for my "unique" issue it would go something like this:
female trying to harness the necessary energy and creativity for success, forgoes the many benefits of intimate relationship--- and sometimes feels incredibly shameful about it.
(lol, you now know me just a weeeee bit better, doncha)
But for real though, how many of you think that "issue" is "unique" to me?
And how does me thinking it's "unique" to me help me process my difficult feelings about it?
It doesn't help much, on the contrary, making it a secret or something "personal", makes it heavier than it needs to be.
As a why the hell not activity, try writing out a similar ad campaign for the issue you most struggle with and share it with someone.
We need to be honest with each other.
Because it is through each others honesty that we gain the strength to become bigger than our fears.