But how do you know when it's "done"?
I asked my friend, a seasoned painter, who was kind enough to give me a canvas and allow me to make a hot mess of her patio as I vociferously wrapped my head (and hands) around this make something out of nothing business.
What you see here, is my 1st ever painting and contrary to what I imagined, I actually kinda like it. Mostly, because making it changed my mind about a few things.
You see, I initially welcomed the idea to throw some paint around, because, naturally, I thought it would be relaxing--- insteadddd, I found myself semi-neurotically wanting things to instantly APPEAR! Three strokes in and I was already feeling like maybe I should have stopped while I was ahead. While part of me was quietly enjoying the freedom of the brush, another, was whispering the meanest EVERYTHINGS into my ever susceptible ears.
If this was an exercise in inner listening, all I could hear was my inner terrorist and she was staging a flop.
Thankfully, I called her bluff.
Moral of the story: keep going. Painting was new for me, which is why all the tentacles of self doubt were strangulating my flow like there was no tomorrow. New activities, habits, choices, shoes even; trigger discomfort.
I kept going, cause that's what I do.
I kept going..... but I have to be honest, I really wasn't feeling it. It wasn't a disaster, but I was totally playing it safe. And I knew it. I decided to give us some space and hoped we'd be happier to see each other after a good nights sleep.
The next day, I approached the "creation" with a renewed sense of confidence; most of the block had worn off by simply returning to the plate, and now it was time to have some real fun with it.
Isn't it the same deal with relationships? You get to a plateau, and then to reach new heights you must take a break and then do something drastically different?
I lifted it up and flipped it to its side; changed up brushes, and started to go to town with thick black and red lashes. It felt good, so I kept doing it. As soon as I felt my inspiration zero out, I resisted panic and simply paused.
(That's when that yellow bit in the center forced itself though)
And before I knew it, I was done.
What I had been so scared of ---- essentially, not being able to control the ending; announced itself to me, and it was clear as... bright fuchsia.
I chose to share this story to encourage you to try something new. Perhaps even painting. It was one of the most interesting and dynamic types of meditations I have ever experienced.
In fact, this experience felt so good, that now even Santa knows what to bring this girl for Christmas.